Blind dates are exciting, aren’t they? The suspense of meeting someone new, the thrill of finding out if they’re your perfect match, and the horror of realizing they’re nothing like you imagined. Yes, blind dates are a rollercoaster of emotions, and not all of them are pleasant. In fact, some of them are downright terrible. Sure, dating can be difficult at times, but fear not, my fellow men, for I am here to guide you through some of the worst blind dating experiences ever.
The Cat Lady
You’re excited to meet your blind date at a fancy Italian restaurant, but as soon as you sit down, you notice something strange: she smells like cat litter. You try to ignore it and make small talk, but all she can talk about is her 23 cats and how they’re her only family. She even shows you pictures of them on her phone. You realize that this date is a lost cause and politely excuse yourself after the appetizers.
Lesson: Beware of animal hoarders.
The Hardcore Vegan
You’re a meat-loving guy, but you’re open to trying new things. That’s why you agreed to go on a blind date with a vegan. However, you didn’t expect her to bring her own snacks to the restaurant and refuse to eat anything on the menu. You don’t want to be rude, so you order a side salad and watch as she eats her kale chips. You try to find common ground, but all she talks about is saving the environment and animal rights. You almost cry with joy when the date ends.
Lesson: Make sure your dietary preferences align before the date.
Your blind date seemed nice enough over text, but when you meet her in person, you notice something off. She’s wearing an ankle monitor. She explains that she just got out of prison for grand theft auto, but that she’s turned her life around. You’re not sure if you should be impressed or scared, but you decide to give her the benefit of the doubt. However, as the night goes on, you notice she’s constantly checking her phone and looking over her shoulder. You can’t help but wonder if she’s planning her next heist.
Lesson: Be wary of dates with criminal records.
You’re intrigued by your blind date’s profession: she’s a psychic. You’re not sure if you believe in that stuff, but you agree to meet her at a psychic fair. As she leads you from booth to booth, predicting your future and giving you advice, you start to feel uncomfortable. You can’t shake the feeling that she’s manipulating you with her words. At the end of the night, she asks for money for her services. You decline and never talk to her again.
Lesson: Don’t fall for gimmicks.
You’re excited to meet your blind date at a local bar, but when she walks in, you realize you’re in for a wild ride. She’s a professional wrestler, and she’s dressed in full costume. She insists on ordering shots for both of you and challenges you to a round of arm wrestling. As the night goes on, she becomes rowdier and more aggressive. You’re not sure if she’s flirting or if she wants to throw you across the room. You politely make your exit before things get too physical.
Lesson: Don’t mess with wrestlers.
Blind dates can be exciting, but they can also be terrifying. From cat ladies to ex-cons, there’s no telling who you might meet. However, with a little bit of caution and a lot of humor, you can survive even the worst blind dating experiences. Just remember to trust your instincts, stay true to your values, and never underestimate the power of a good sense of humor. Happy hunting, fellas!